Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
