dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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