I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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