community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
