it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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