she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
