babies were throwing up all over the place
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
