Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
