i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
