I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize