You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
