life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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