i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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