he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
