i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
