I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
