My liver just broke up with me...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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