my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
