I wish I only lived at night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Is it because I queefed?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
