bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
