Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
