She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize