I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
