I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
