I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
