look no pants
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
