it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
