both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
