There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
