oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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