He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
