I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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