Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
