just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
