i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
