When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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