Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
