New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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