Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
