does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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