it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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