Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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