AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
