So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this will be a night to untag.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
