dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
