Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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