He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
