Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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