You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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