i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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