Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize