So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
