I think I died a long time ago.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
