Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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