I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
