Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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