i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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