Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
