3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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