On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
