he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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