Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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