I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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