the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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