Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
