I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
