Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
