GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
