put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
