The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
