she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
we should paint friendship bongs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize