so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
